I had a plan. It certainly didn’t include being single in my late forties. If I knew this future 10 years ago, I would have thrown a temper tantrum at the angels.
I am single. I’m 49. And I am happier today, yesterday, and the day before. I cannot remember feeling this free as a girl, as a woman, in every part of my life.
These days, being single does not feel like being alone. It used to, though. And I’d hunt down a soul just to patch the hole.
I feel finally complete as I continue to untame myself, to drop my guard, my masks, my potions.
I am giddy and wild again like a curious child playing with the toys in her chest.
I whisper sweet thanks to experience. And Spirit responds to this exchange.
The boys who once broke my heart, came to apologize when they became men. The threads that tied me to many hearts over many cities and hopes are slipping out of my hands. I bless each one as they float like balloons on a slow breeze.
This story of my completeness I wish to share with my sisters who cry out to be loved by another as a sign of life, and worth.
I wish to tell them:
First set your Self free. Let her thrive in realness.
I would tell her to listen to the opening note of the song you always wanted to sing. This tune will enliven you. Sing it.
I would tell her Wave Your Magic over miles of dreams and fears, and follow every hunch that brushes your cheek.
I would tell her love is an unwrapped present you carry with you all the time. It’s been with you during all those misshapen relationships and solo Friday night dinners.
Once you realize this, open it. Open your gift. It’s wild and untamed inside, made pure and rare, so don’t change it.
When you do–open it–you will have opened the love of your life.
You will have opened your full Self, and she’s exactly who you’ve been looking for all this time.
I’m a junkie. I study like a freak. I devour programs on self-growth, energy healing, spiritual principles, bodywise information.
I don’t need to go back to school again–ever. There’re teachers offering brilliant stuff online that really digs deep intellectually. Lisa Nichols. Anne Lamott. Danielle LaPorte. Tony Robbins. Brendon Burchard (Imma take a breath…)
I am addicted.
And here’s the problem: when I find myself stuck in somebody’s
virtual classroom more than I’m out in the world actually using my education,
then being a life-long “studier” becomes a blanket to hide under.
Sometimes life-long students need to close the books and get wise by doing.