i wanna be big

you’re a big boy now
mr. porter/

turning 9 today
that’s 63
to me
still just as centered and calm as when you turned 4

(28).

porter2

i named you after a bodybuilder, PORTER CATRELL

though your strength is deeper than BODy

small children
they pull on your ears
fingers closing near your eyes
you don’t react –keep licking their little hands

on the airplane

(under the seat in front of me)
you’re quiet without medication-
only need a “shhh, it’s okay… i love you”/

good boy

a Manhattan dog needs rules.

taught you at 5 months old
no bark in the morning, you’ll wake the neighbors
so you grrrr instead, underbite protruding from your tight black lips

michelle and poerter!

mr. porter, my model
of
ease

you are my display of ZEN each day

you are a big boy now

so zen, michelle bernard with mr. porter

i wanna grow

to be big

as you are naturally

michelle bernard's dog

michelle bernard's mr. porter

Life isn’t short. For some, it’s long.

letter to mE

Girl, you have fallen’ into some big ole holes, and I know how much it has hurt you.

I know you can barely breathe down there in your pursuit of “all there is”- down there gasping to create a relationship that validates you, unraveling in a job-change you thought would define you (but is attacking your beliefs about humanity), in the arduous pursuit of sustainable health insurance.

all there is

But you will get another opportunity to choose soon. Really.

In about 5 months you won’t need to keep cranberry juice in the fridge for your vodka and you won’t need to workout twice a day to keep your butt from blowing up because of the chocolate chip cookie dough. 10 years younger me

 

Your angry prayers and creative visualization notebooks will move you to a safer ground.

Don’t stop doing that work!

One thing I learned from you is to state my desired outcome like I know for certain it will happen.

 

Especially when I have no idea how IT will happen, still say IT must.

With no alternative.

 

That worked for you.

Thanks for giving me that.

 

Here’s what I wish to give to you, my 10 year younger mE.  

Stamp these in your belly.

1. Stand with your intuition. When you feel you know, you are correct.  You do.

2. Don’t tell everyone all your detailed feelings.

Explain only when you have established trust.  Folks you can trust will hold your feelings sacred instead of using your life as something casual to talk about.

3. Journal often. Try audio when you’re scared to write.

4. Finish writing ThemKids. It’s really good.  

5. Stop fixing people. Oh God girl, I know it’s your nature, but please stop pushing the fix in your private life.  

It will exhaust you and deplete the enthusiasm you need for your beliefs.

Simply, offer advice if you’re asked, but don’t beg anyone to take it.

6. Respect every woman you see. They are precious. You have so much in common. You do.

7. Protect your spiritual center. Let it expand. It will make you magical.

Life isn’t short for everyone.  For some, it’s long.

Life is precious.
What always amazes me is that we get so many chances to be who we want to be.
Regret isn’t necessary.

You are not going to make a bad decision.

So every time you decide something, be as bold as brass.  It all fits somewhere.

Each year, you’ll see, this life gets more and more meaningful,

and you will learn that sometimes

breaking the conventions and “supposed tos”

is what will bring you the most happiness.

now me. michelle bernard

How do you stop an interrogator from pissing you off?

So the real question here is
” how do you stop a snooping, over-opinionated, know-it-all from thinking your business is her business”?
 

Tell em to bud-out.

 
Nah!  That’ll probably start fight.
 
I have two go-tos when some pain in the ass starts interrogating me.
 
(Pardon my a*s, but I really don’t like to be interrogated.  Am I in good company?  
 
To be clear, I define an interrogator as someone who challenges my intuitive decisions, questions my knowledge when they don’t have a background in the subject they’re challenging, and/or plays a devil’s advocate ➤  cuz I don’t particularly like the devil butting into my conversations.  
 
To be more clear, pushy interrogators are usually wrong about most of their thoughts and ideas for you!)
 
Given that… Here’s how you can avoid these types of energies.
 
1.  Run the yellow light and Turn left.
 
Ever had someone following you in your car, you run the yellow, and turn the corner?  
 
Well, the car following your won’t make the light.  While they are held up at the red one  ✧ it’ll be 2 minutes before they can get back behind you.
 
Ah… 2 minutes, just enough time to change the frickn subject with a question.
 
Instead of answering the interrogators next question, ask a question.  
It’s gotta be a good question, one that commands a long winded answer.  It’s gotta be personal, cuz folks love to talk about themselves, no problem.
 
In order for you to for you to find the right question, you’ll need to master 
➢  the 5 breath energy bath.   (This is number 2) 
 
 Take 5 deep slow breaths at exactly the moment you begin to feel your blood boil.
 
You see, at that time, your energy has begun to get whipped up into the cyclone of the interrogator’s critical judgment and bad -idea bruising.  
 
You need to bathe in the purity of self-trust.
Each breath needs to be slow.  
 
The during the first two breaths, smile like you’re listening – all the while you’re visualizing a place in nature that really makes you feel happy.  
 
During the next two breaths, make a noise.  Say ” ahh huh” or ” mmm” or something that shows you’re listening ( you’re not).  
 
During breath 5, when you are deeply relaxed in, let’s say a garden with a bubbling brook and only hearing the dripping water, think of a question – you know, you are about to run the yellow light and turn left!
 
However, if the interrogator is a professional hit-person, the kind that pressures you for an answer, give one.
 
3. Give an answer and flee as fast as you can.
I have three answers that help me escape the pro interrogator – but I sometimes need to use these in gentler situations, as well.
 
Say, ” it’s a long story”
If they say they have time, ↰repeat but add “really” to long story.  
 
Still they have time, then you’d better run the yellow light.
 
Or say, “wow, what interesting ideas.  I’ll think about those.”
 
Or say, “mmm, I don’t know yet.” No bulls*itting ✜ really.  
Always say yet because you actually do know or you intuitively know which means you kinda know ( which is good enough as far as knowing goes) and you need to stick with your very own intuitive knowing because it counts for a LOT.
 
[You might need a 5 breath energy bath even after way #3.  Take the bath.] 
 
What’s most important to remember is    ✾
an interrogation is a cyclone of someone else’s judgment and personal criticism
that can harm your self- esteem and zap all your positive energy.  
 
Don’t defend yourself, be yourself.
 
Trust your self.  
Examine your self on your own, often, and if you invite someone to help you,
 
 
make sure they are caring, supportive, and honor your highest truths.
 
Live your truth.
Support one another.

 Blowin’ you kisses, 

your trainer ☀ michelle bernard

you are fabulous today and every day!

 

www.sculptedbybernard.com