When life scares the sh*t outta you

This month 3 of my friends have called to unpack some sucky fears about the trajectory of their lives.

 

One faces the end of a 14-year marriage, one is struggling with finances and is straining to establish a career of purpose, one is moving her family to a new town where everybody has to get jobs and create a new support system.  

 

What has compounded their issues is that all three are in their mid-forties.

 

Really and seriously, life has scared the sh*t outta me in all my adult decades so far.  

 

I chose a transition that just ripped me open in my late-twenties, I lost a ton of hope when certain ideals were crushed in my mid-thirties, and I went through bouts of fiery anger in my late thirties

[that makes it twice-sh*tty in one decade!!].

look into my eyes

 

I told my friend-folks to do what I did when I got stuck

 

1  Get away from all the voices.

 

Too many opinions are NOT good for you.

Your inner ONE will give you the best advice.  

However, that inner ONE will NOT give you every single morsel of bread that you need all at once.

It will give you advice that will lead you where you need to go RIGHT NOW.

 

Stick with what’s in front of you RIGHT NOW and trust that you’ll get more information when it’s time to make the next move.

 

Listen and TRUST your inner ONE, and you’ll build confidence and focus.

A scary life gets spooked away by CONFIDENCE and FOCUS.

 

 

2  Understand that life will periodically swing toward sh*tty, and then back to swell again.

from sh*t to swell

Life doesn’t do perfectionism and there is NO certainty in anything, so don’t expect it.

But do expect that aspects of your vision will appear when life swings back to swell.

 

So get a vision that supports you!!

 

 

3   Just as much as we need to listen to our inner ONE, we need to have a “small” support crew to let us  dump out fear and gives us a lift.

 

Make sure you choose that crew wisely.

If your crew lets you wallow in darkness all the time, lose ’em.

You need a small task force that encourages and helps you exchange your fears for a vision.

 

Your pendulum is gonna swing back to swell, it will!  

And members of your crew will one day need you to help them move through some of their sh*t later.

 

light as a feather

In the meantime, find somebody to serve {for money or for free}.

God, it felt like a such goody goody cliché to write this.

But I mean it.

 

I used to be the person who believed we were on some linear train toward riches and fame and marriage and the seemingly successful life like the ones billed on tv.  Seriously!

 

I used to feel embarrassed and emptied out by my failures, as if I was more flawed for effing up.

My life would move from swell to sh*t like ::

I’d make good money and get my graduate degree, but then regress to having less in my bank account and needing to move into a crap-apartment;

or from being in numerous, degrading relationships to finding a supportive one for many years and then wandering back into choosing a player.

Each bloody-time my life dipped below tolerable, I’d get some space away from everything so I could shut up all the outside voices to hear my own.  

I’d turn to [a few] superhero friends who believed in the small part of me that still had confidence.

And most recently, I engage my talents in service outside of myself.

This is a new realization.  Service.  

For money or free.

 

What it feels like is a flow of self through me, through someone else, back to me.

How else can I articulate that?!

Like Connection.

For me that means writing and performing poetry, painting, teaching yoga to kids, rolling around with my dogs, singing at a senior center, making time for my friends to talk about how to handle their fear.

 

Service has shown me that I am the same as everybody outside of me ➩ happy, terrified, clear, lost, dark, lonely, brave, confused, curious, needy, hopeful.

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